A Rainbow Wrap Up

The month of February has now come to an abrupt end. It's time to hunker down and reflect on what things I accomplished this month.

February was a new and exciting month for me. I really believe that one of the most important steps we can do for ourselves is really recognize the positive changes we have made.
February brought a lot of these positive changes and experiences that I'd like to reflect on:

-I started my goal of trying to explore as much as I can of the area I live in. I visited Port Townsend and Alki Beach for my first two adventures.

-I started walking on sunny days during work, which was one way I found to add extra "moving" into my daily routine

-I got my husband to TRY and ADMIT that ground turkey is a yummy, healthy replacement for ground beef!

-I finished my Couch to 5k program- and rocked it!

-I ran for distance- 3 miles-and got a stellar time of 34:30.

-I survived both super bowl sunday, valentines day, and TOM hitting within 1 1/2 weeks of each other and still lost weight!

-Kellen and I started our vegetable garden!

-I took time to evaluate how God has played a role in my journey so far

and to wrap up this post, I'd like to tell you a little story about this weekend....

As of Friday, I had not tried on one single article of NEW clothing in a store since the beginning of my "get healthy" journey- November 9, 2009.

Well I finally broke this with a trip to H&M on Friday. And guess what you guys?!!?

I am down one WHOLE dress size.

I was in shock in the fitting room. I had to buy it! I will be getting a picture of it to show you guys because I'm sure I will be wearing it as much as I can in the next couple of weeks!

and then...
My friend brought me some leggings to try on and brought me a size medium. I instantly thought "Oh there is NO way these are going to fit...but I will try them on!" I did...and they fit! Granted yes, they are stretchy leggings. But to even be able to say I have an article of clothing in my closet with an M on the tag- now that just makes me happy. ;0)

Stay tuned tomorrow as it is my four month healthy living anniversary and weigh in. I'll be writing about my goals and dreams for my birthday month- March!

God and Weight Loss

I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a post about how God has played a role in my weight loss journey for quite some time. I want to caution anyone reading this that these are my own opinions and beliefs about God’s relationship with us and I do not intend to offend anyone, but I am going to talk open and honestly about what I believe.

To be honest with you, at the beginning of this journey God did not come into my mind (in relation to my weight loss). However, as I continue to rediscover myself in new ways on this journey, God is revealing himself more and more. He’s been speaking into my life a lot about the way I view myself as well as the words that I speak to myself.

I haven’t mentioned it before, but I am currently doing a bible study with a bunch of women on the topic of self talk. What kind of things do we speak to ourselves? Are they positive or negative? How would God like us to speak to ourselves? These are just a few of the questions we have been tackling recently

One thing I used to say to myself before this journey was this: “Well it doesn’t matter what I weigh- God looks at the heart right?” And this is true. God does not look at our outward appearance. However- what kind of thoughts about myself was I keeping in my heart? I was not happy. I was choosing to deny the fact that I continuously spoke evil words into my heart every day- things like “You’re so fat….you’re not beautiful…you’re not worth it.” These things I’ve told myself over and over and they WERE in my heart. And I know that God wasn’t happy with those lies.

That day in November I made the decision to change my life. Instead of waking up that day and telling myself I could never truly love who I was, I instead decided to tell myself I WAS worth it. I began to look at myself in the mirror and say “You did awesome today, you are beautiful, and you deserve this.” And you know what? God is rejoicing because I am finally able to understand the way He really sees me- as a woman whose heart tells herself truth.

There is no doubt in my mind that when we choose to not take care of our bodies we are saying to God that His creation does not matter to us. When we allow those thoughts and insecurities into our mind, we start to speak lies to ourselves that oppose everything His word conveys- that we are made in His image, that we are wonderfully made, and that with His strength we CAN do all things.

I challenge you today to look into your own self and really reveal what you have speaking in your heart. Are they hurtful things? Are they helpful to you in this journey? Are they what God would say to you?

One last sidenote is something I really felt that God did for me last week. As I was attempting to run another 35 minutes (which I am struggling with at this point) a worship song came onto my Ipod. I was literally at the last 2 minutes of my run and the bridge of this song continued to play as I struggled. And I was really moved. The verse is simply:

“We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary, We won’t be satisfied at all”

This simple verse got me through the rest of that run. I am choosing right now to continue to move forward in this journey. God continues to walk by my side each and every day as I tell myself that I will not settle for anything ordinary.

Couch to 5k: DOMINATED

Yes, that's right folks, today I completed C25k week 9, day three.

C25k....completed....BOO YAH!

Here I am after today's run:
Yes, I get REALLY pink when I work out!

And my trusty running buddy:She's been sleeping ever since :)

Oh man, you don't even know how excited I am that I finished the program. I am now running a STRONG 30 minutes straight (the program is based on time, not distance) But mainly I think this is because they assume you will complete 5 kilometers in 30 minutes...well... I'm not quite there yet!

But here's the thing....THAT'S OK! You know why? Because I now know that I CAN and WILL complete 5 kilometers, no matter the time it takes me. How do I know this? Because I've finally come to realize that running is SO much more a mental game than a physical one.

I'm not suggesting anyone starting out just go out there and try to run 3 miles all by their will power. Of course you need to ease your body into it one run at a time. However, I AM suggesting that once you learn to say no to that little voice in your head that keeps saying things like:

"You can't do this."
"You're too out of shape, give it up."
"You can only make it a couple more seconds, don't try any more."

Whatever that voice may say to you, you CAN learn to control and overcome it. Once you do, each time you run you will know that you can push yourself one more step or one more minute than before.

To celebrate my accomplishment today, I have registered for my first 5k race. It's the St. Patty's Day Dash in Seattle on March 14th. This will hold a special place in my heart, since it just so happens that my birthday is on St. Patty's :) What a great gift to myself, huh?
I have never liked running. And to be completely honest, I don't wake up on my run mornings and think "OH, GOODY! I get to run today!"....I just don't think I will ever be there. But I do know that running has changed my entire life.

There is such joy in being proud of what you have accomplished. I hope and pray that you ALL can feel that joy in yourself, whether it be through running, or just choosing to take a step forward today and do something to better yourself.

A Big Pile of Motivation!

I've been waiting to do this post since I got back from visiting my mom in Seattle in December JUST so I could post this pretty picture! :) What is that, you say? Well, I am very happy to say that my mother "took pity on me" and my measly wardrobe and donated a bunch of pants that I could have. Luckily my mom is one of those "hip" ones and buys her pants at really super nice stores (like nordstrom's). HA! I usually won't spend more than 20 bucks on my jeans (hence the reason I only have like 2 pairs). Anyway, she donated all of these "gently used" jeans to my wardrobe! WOOHOO! The catch?!? THEY DON'T FIT! But that's ok! They are mostly size 12 and 14. I have made a vow with myself that I won't try again until I am 20 pounds down. This is pretty big motivation to get my booty in gear so I can show it off in these new cute jeans!

A Spiteful Attitude

Today I read a post by Tiff @ Project 365 that inspired me to start thinking of reasons why I have let myself "go"- in a sense.

I have always struggled with thoughts on wanting to lose weight. I can remember these from when I was a little girl. I remember countless nights in high school where I literally could not sleep because all I could think about was how fat I thought I was.

Out of love, my mother and grandmother have always tried to "encourage" me to lose weight. I know this was out of love because they themselves knew what it was to struggle with this. My mom got Thyroid disease when I was young, and never seemed to be able to get the weight off. Finally in 2007, she had the lap band surgery, and today she is 80 pounds less than when she went in.

I have also had friends who have tried to "encourage" me to lose weight. One friend in particular was similar in size to me, but because of what I see as emotional abuse and pressure from her own mother, finally lost probably close to 50 pounds. After this, our relationship changed. She even wrote a blog entry about how she had had a dream about me and that she "didn't even recognize me because I had lost so much weight and I looked so good."

Another person to mention in this story is my sister in law. At the same exact height as me, she weighs around 70 pounds less than I do. Weight, for some reason, is something that has come up in our conversations often. If any of you have talked to someone who has really NEVER struggled with their weight or knows nothing about it first hand, you may know how frustrating it is to talk with that person about this subject. They always act like "Oh, just do it! It's so easy"

All of these people were, in a sense, trying to help me with my struggle. But they didn't. In fact, I would say looking back on the conversations I've had with them, much them are just painful memories that made me slip into even more of a depression over something I felt like I couldn't handle.

Other times that I have attempted to start a weight loss program have all failed. I know now that in my head I almost wanted to "spite" these people for even thinking I needed to lose weight...so I went in the opposite direction. I made a conscious decision to overeat, almost as if to say "HA! there! I KNOW what's best for me, not you!" And because of this, I always fell off my weight loss bandwagon, ending up overeating, and feeling even crappier than before I started.

I'm not sure if this kind of thinking even makes sense to anyone else. I just wanted them to realize that no matter how many "encouraging" words they may tell me, it all just equated in my mind to "YOU'RE FAT, get off your lazy butt and do something about it!" Then, when I over ate, it was like me saying back "NO, i can do what I want! (insert tongue hear)"

I now realize this thinking is well...absolutely ridiculous. The only person I was really harming in the end was myself. But I also realize now that the decision to lose weight and change my life couldn't have come from anyone else but myself. I am pretty sure that if the entire world would have told me I was fat it wouldn't have motivated me to change. I don't know why that lightbulb clicked inside myself, but i am sure glad it did.

A Moment of Honesty

I got married in July 2007. I was overweight when I got married, but I can't even remember how much I weighed at that point. I literally have avoided the scale my entire life unless I was "attempting" to lose.

The last 2 and half years, I have lived in fear of getting pregnant. This is me being completely honest. Now I realize that no one ever feels ready to get pregnant (or most people). I realize that you will never have enough money, time, space, etc. But for me, it was a different reason.

I can't wait to be a mom. I want to give my kids everything they need and take care of them to the best of my ability. And to me, being overweight, having a high risk pregnancy, is completely opposite of doing everything I can to make sure that my babies have the best life they can.

Everyone I have talked to tells me "Oh come on Nicole, you are not THAT overweight." Yes, I'm not THAT overweight. But my mom gained 75 pounds when she was pregnant with me! That could very, very easily be me. Bite by bite, pound by pound, I could be putting my baby at risk.

I'm not pregnant now, in fact, we don't even plan on trying for a couple more years. But I am happy to stop living in fear and be able to at my goal weight so I know that I CAN take care of myself when that time comes.

Just thought I'd share on what I have to say is one of my biggest motivators for this journey...my future babies!!

It's a Wonderful Life!

Kellen and I have a Christmas tradition of picking out our tree, decorating and drinking hot coco while watching It's a Wonderful Life every year. I don't know what it is about old black and white movies, but Kellen loves them. This is the only time I see my hubby get emotional! I don't really understand why you would be emotional over it when it has a happy ending, but something in it just strikes a chord in him. Anyway, it definitely melts my heart to see him that way and know that behind my strong, manly, buff, construction worker husband, there is a soft and sensitive heart. I love it.

I was just thinking about this movie and the real meaning behind it...that there is SO much to be thankful for in our life and how we truly impact people without even knowing it. So I started thinking to myself...what have I done recently to make myself a better person?

My facebook status today says "There is really no better feeling than feeling like you have done the best you can and feeling accomplished. So happy." After my run this morning (and YES, I am feeling better!) I finally realized that I am finally at a point in my life that I am truly proud of myself. I can't believe I have been working out for almost two months now and striving to live a healthy life. It's something that I've wanted to do for SO long and now I'm finally feeling like this is a LIFE change.

Anyway, the point of this post is just to say: It's a DAMN wonderful life!

The Drip Theory

You know when you hear someone say something and just does a "click" in your mind and you think to yourself "I GET THAT!!" Well, that's what happened just the other day with my friend Dave Ramsey. (ok, he's not really my friend, but we can pretend...) In case you don't know who Dave Ramsey is, here's a brief bio: Dave is a financial adviser with his own radio show. I listen to it pretty much any chance I get, and I tend to kind of overuse his advice on people (it's becoming quite an annoying habit...at least according to Kellen). Anyway, the other day Dave went off on a rant about how getting rich quickly is just not plausible. He said the best way to ensure wealth is to watch it "drip" slowly after years and years. Just think- if you are 20 years old and you put $100 in an IRA every month until you are 60, you will retire with over 1 million dollars. That's the drip theory- and it's pretty simple.

I got to thinking that this theory is SO right with weight loss too. All those "fad" diets tell you you can lose weight so quickly (seriously, who wants to eat cereal for two meals a day for two weeks??). But in the end, you just end up stopping right there...or...going back to where you started.

So I started my weight loss "drips" on November 9th. This means its going to be a long, slow, and steady race. But I will make it to that finish line someday. But here's the thing....the race has a finish line....but it never ends! Being healthy is a LIFE change, not just a one year one. So here we go!