Life Decisions Scare Me

Well as some of you know I've been exploring a career in Nutrition. I have reached out to a few ladies that are from this area and actually got to go to coffee with a Registered Dietitian on Monday. It was really cool to be able to talk to her. I also had one person contact me through my formspring box that is an RD offering for me to talk to her. I haven't gotten a hold of her yet, but if you are reading this, just know I will be contacting soon!

On Tuesday I randomly started up a conversation with a lady I had heard through a friend was a certified nutritionist. You know that weird feeling when you introduce yourself to someone that doesn't know who you are but you know all about them? This was that. LOL! But that's ok, because our conversation turned out AMAZING.

Not only did we have a good 45 minute discussion on a nutrition career....we then continued our discussion through e-mails the next day.

I can't tell you guys how JUBILANT I am that I've met her! She is so passionate about her career and is so willing to help me with my professional decisions. It's honestly a big relief that I've finally talked to someone that really wants to invest back in me. Already she has thrown some huge decisions my way and given me some amazing options. For instance....ummm...the fact that there is University close to me that is Nationally renowned for the degree I want to get! YEAH! How did I miss that one?! Not quite sure!

I prayed a couple weeks ago that if this is what God would have me do, that He will help things fall into place. It's funny how I can pray that prayer wholeheartedly and still not believe that He will work things out. Doubt is a killer, huh?

If in fact I do decide to go to this University, it WILL be a sacrifice. First of all, it is a mighty commute. We are talking a 45 minute ferry and 20 minute drive. I'm hoping I would only have to go two or three days a week.

It will also cost money. The commute $ itself is going to be killer. Not to mention the univeristy itself. You don't really call yourself nationally renowned and not charge an arm and a leg.

Thirdly, time. And that is probably the hardest thing. What will I do for work? Will I have to get a different job to fit around my school schedule? Will Kellen feel neglected? Will my husky pup show her anger of less excercise through even MORE rebellion?! How long will this take? I want to have kids someday!!!
...all of this scares me to death.

But the biggest question is: is it worth it?

Is it worth it to be doing something I really love to do?
Is it worth it to finally feel like I've put my gifts to good use?
Is it worth it to feel like I am really doing something with my life, really impacting people and making a difference?

I've already asked my #1 (God) and #2 (hubby) to help me with this decision. So far all systems go....

But I'm still scared.

Feeling Defeated

Yes, it is true. Although I really try to focus on the positive things happening in my life through this blog and hope to bring you all some encouragement....

I am feeling utterly defeated today.

I am really, really trying to get into school. I have taken almost two years off from school and feel an immense amount of pressure to get back and finish my degree. I am excited that I finally might know what I actually want to do with my life.

The problem is...I can't seem to figure out how to just stinkin' enroll. I am in a place where there are literally no colleges within practical distance to go to. I have been looking into doing online courses through my old community college (a great distance away, so I can't physically go there).

I finally called today to figure out what I need to do to get in. First of all, I talked to some lady who must have seriously woken up on the wrong side of the bed. She started firing all these questions at me and I got seriously overwhelmed. Apparently even though I already got a FREAKIN DEGREE from this place, I have to start all over- apply for admission, meet with an advisor, register, pay. And to top it off she tells me the classes I want to take are already full anyway.

I am actually in tears right now. I just want this process to be easy and simple- but every single quarter I've tried to get back in- something falls apart. I feel like my efforts are hopeless and I will never be able to get the degree I want.

On top of that, it's raining, and I've got a husky who will simply not leave me be and is destroying numerous things every time I turn my back.

Sorry for the downer guys...but that's life sometimes I guess....

Let's Talk

Warning: this post is going to be a bunch of random jabber. If you attempt to read all of it, I applaud and thank you for being such a loyal follower.

Hello all! Today I ran another 3 miles with Chloe. I have a couple of random things to spout about on this subject:

1. I am finding that eating 1 hour before I run is working wonders. I no longer feel nauseous and I also feel it is giving me a bit more energy than I had before.

2. I have been having a major side ache on my right side. I think this may be because I hold Chloe's leash on this side, and she likes to pull on it everytime she sees another dog, person, small animal, etc. I'm hoping this side ache will not pop up for my race on Sunday seeing as she will not be with me.

3. I am REALLY NERVOUS for Sunday (race day), because 3 miles feels like such a struggle for me at this point- and the race is 3.75. I want to be able to say I ran the whole thing- that has been my goal this whole time I've been training. But I am really nervous that I might not make it. :(

Happy thought: I no longer have things in my closet that don't fit. You know how amazing it is to reach into my closet, pull something out, and to just KNOW it won't be too small? It feels so rewarding.

I have now sent in an initial application to a school to become a Registered Dietitian. However, I have almost no science credits so I will have to start looking into taking some more courses through my local community college to get caught up so I can fulfill the program prerequisites.

If you are reading this and know of someone, or you yourself are, involved in the nutrition field and may be willing to talk to me more about it via e-mail, I would love to talk to someone!

I did receive several more formspring questions that I will be answering in the next couple of days. Oddly enough, a lot of them had to do with mine and my hubby's relationship! haha. I think I will be devoting a whole post to this aspect of my life and what his thoughts are on this whole "lifestyle change" I've adopted the last four months.

I will however, target one "non relationship" question I got yesterday:

"how do you deal with the PMS-related cravings? (for me, chocolate, salt, and general sluggishness..."

If I am going to be truthfully and brutally honest hear.... not very well! I am definitely still learning how to cope with these things. For the last four months if my body was craving something, PMS related or not, I've just given it what it wants. The only thing I've changed is trying to find a lower calorie replacement. So instead of eating a bowl of chocolate ice cream, I might have a cup of sugar free hot coco instead.

This technique has definitely helped me "coast through" my first 25 pounds- and will probably be my technique until I reach my first weight goal of 40 pounds lost. However, as I've mentioned in previous posts, I am thinking about adapting and changing some of these things (and probably kicking aspertame to the curb is going to be one of my first orders of business...which means saying goodbye to a lot of my "lower calorie" replacements).

So there ya go. That's been my technique...but we are all forever changing and adapting on this journey, and so will I!

As far as "sluggishness"- I exercise when I feel like it. I know, you are probably thinking when does anyone ever "feel" like it? Basically to me that means if there is nothing drastically wrong with me (i.e. I feel nauseous/crampy, exhausted, or really ill) I just kick my butt out the door.

Oh yeah, and having a Siberian husky helps A LOT! No joke.
You just can't say no to this face.

That's it for today!

Does anyone else....

.....feel extremely passionate when exercise or weight loss/healthy eating come into a conversation in every day life? Is it just me who gets excited like a puppy when this topic gets brought up?!?! I almost need to use a little bit of self control when this happens and I'm around people who don't know that I am on this "get healthy" journey. I really don't WANT to overwhelm (or flat out annoy) them, but I feel like I am now a wealth of healthy living knowledge just waiting to spring a leak!
I'm not saying I know everything- not EVEN close to that. But see, that's what is so incredibly great about all of this. I don't think I will ever know everything there is to know about living a healthy lifestyle. There will always be NEW recipes to try, new fitness tips to utilize, new ways to tweak my everyday life.

I'm having so much fun filling my brain to the max with as much information on this stuff as possible- through blogs, articles, books, podcasts. Sound obsessed, right? Well..I wouldn't argue with ya.

Now as i was driving home last night I was thinking:

1. I have a passion
2. I need a career
3. I like to help people
4. I am committed to healthy living and want to help others be as well

So I hollered out to my God in heaven (because I like to consult Him on these things) and asked Him to make it clear to me just exactly what He wants me to do with this?? I'll let you all know if I hear a definite answer soon! (and if you are the praying type you could send a little prayer my way as well!)

Will I incorporate this into a career? Gosh, I don't know. I don't even know how I would. Right now I'm considering becoming a Registered Dietitian. A personal trainer (HA!)...umm...not for me.

So many options running through my head. And maybe this shouldn't even be a career for me!

I NEED DIRECTION!

I apologize for just puking my entire brain of thoughts on you all just now. (ok that was kinda gross)

...and I'm off to think about a million thoughts per second...see ya!!

What's Up Doc?

Total Sidenote: There it is! Our little tree- on the table to be puppy-proof! I'm am SO excited for Christmas and to spend time with both mine and Kellen's family.

Today was my yearly check up at the doctor's office. I talked to the doctor about my new weight loss journey and compared weight's from one year ago. Last year at this time, I was 2 pounds less than I am today according to the doctor's scale. I can NOT believe that even after losing 13.5 I am still up two pounds from last year. HOLY GUACOMOLE...and NOT good guacomole either....this is like that nasty, processed chip-dip kind. Rough calculations that I have done mean that I had gained 15 pounds over 11 months. What the heck was I doing? Bathing myself in chocolate everyday?!?!

Ok, but seriously, this just shows how desperately important it was for me to make a life change. If I were to continue eating like that and on that same road, I would literally end up in my grave at a seriously young age. (if not literally dead, at least physically!)

Now that I have had such a intense wake up call it is time to BUCKLE DOWN and take some action! I can't wait to be a different person in 2010. And since everyone else is doing pretty little goal lists, I think I may just join the bandwagon:

For 2010:

1. Run three 5k's. My first on my Birthday: March 17th- St. Patrick's Day.

2. Get to my initial goal of 40 pounds down. Completely doable.

3. Drink more water. Period.

4. Start school again and decide on a major. This IS the year!

5. Learn to LOVE myself! Gain back some confidence I used to have when I was a skinnier and healthier me!

That's it for now....I CAN do this!!

I don't want to grow up!

Today was a good day. It started out by me sleeping in, which is always good. Then me and ChloeBear went on a run- C25k 5.3. I was actually really nervous about this day because I knew my digital C25k trainer was going to make me run 20 straight minutes. I started out at a snails pace and didn't move much past a turtle....but I did it! I was very happy.

I headed to subway for lunch and picked up two footlongs- one for me and one for the hubby. I opted to get turkey today and ate one half for lunch and one half for dinner. Easy, simple.

After lunch my friend Colleen stopped by. We did a little baking! I made cranberry white chocolate chip cookies. I was proud of myself for only sampling two after they were done :).

Last night Kellen and I had yet another discussion about "what i want to be when I grow up" GRR! why do I have to decide this?!?! Why can't the magic job fairy just come along and give me the skills and degree to do what I want for the rest of my life? Anyway, I got to thinking about how much I am really loving about learning about nutrition. I took a nutrition class in college and really, really enjoyed it. My professor worked for WIC, a program that helps pregnant women and women with young children learn about healthy nutrition. I thought about how cool it might be to work for a company for that. So I emailed my local branch, and I may be going in January to "tour" their office and see what it might be like to be a dietetic. I've even found an online school program that would really work for me. Well....we will see!!

Thanks to my blogger friends for all the support lately. I'm loving all your wonderful comments!