Life Decisions Scare Me

Well as some of you know I've been exploring a career in Nutrition. I have reached out to a few ladies that are from this area and actually got to go to coffee with a Registered Dietitian on Monday. It was really cool to be able to talk to her. I also had one person contact me through my formspring box that is an RD offering for me to talk to her. I haven't gotten a hold of her yet, but if you are reading this, just know I will be contacting soon!

On Tuesday I randomly started up a conversation with a lady I had heard through a friend was a certified nutritionist. You know that weird feeling when you introduce yourself to someone that doesn't know who you are but you know all about them? This was that. LOL! But that's ok, because our conversation turned out AMAZING.

Not only did we have a good 45 minute discussion on a nutrition career....we then continued our discussion through e-mails the next day.

I can't tell you guys how JUBILANT I am that I've met her! She is so passionate about her career and is so willing to help me with my professional decisions. It's honestly a big relief that I've finally talked to someone that really wants to invest back in me. Already she has thrown some huge decisions my way and given me some amazing options. For instance....ummm...the fact that there is University close to me that is Nationally renowned for the degree I want to get! YEAH! How did I miss that one?! Not quite sure!

I prayed a couple weeks ago that if this is what God would have me do, that He will help things fall into place. It's funny how I can pray that prayer wholeheartedly and still not believe that He will work things out. Doubt is a killer, huh?

If in fact I do decide to go to this University, it WILL be a sacrifice. First of all, it is a mighty commute. We are talking a 45 minute ferry and 20 minute drive. I'm hoping I would only have to go two or three days a week.

It will also cost money. The commute $ itself is going to be killer. Not to mention the univeristy itself. You don't really call yourself nationally renowned and not charge an arm and a leg.

Thirdly, time. And that is probably the hardest thing. What will I do for work? Will I have to get a different job to fit around my school schedule? Will Kellen feel neglected? Will my husky pup show her anger of less excercise through even MORE rebellion?! How long will this take? I want to have kids someday!!!
...all of this scares me to death.

But the biggest question is: is it worth it?

Is it worth it to be doing something I really love to do?
Is it worth it to finally feel like I've put my gifts to good use?
Is it worth it to feel like I am really doing something with my life, really impacting people and making a difference?

I've already asked my #1 (God) and #2 (hubby) to help me with this decision. So far all systems go....

But I'm still scared.

God and Weight Loss

I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a post about how God has played a role in my weight loss journey for quite some time. I want to caution anyone reading this that these are my own opinions and beliefs about God’s relationship with us and I do not intend to offend anyone, but I am going to talk open and honestly about what I believe.

To be honest with you, at the beginning of this journey God did not come into my mind (in relation to my weight loss). However, as I continue to rediscover myself in new ways on this journey, God is revealing himself more and more. He’s been speaking into my life a lot about the way I view myself as well as the words that I speak to myself.

I haven’t mentioned it before, but I am currently doing a bible study with a bunch of women on the topic of self talk. What kind of things do we speak to ourselves? Are they positive or negative? How would God like us to speak to ourselves? These are just a few of the questions we have been tackling recently

One thing I used to say to myself before this journey was this: “Well it doesn’t matter what I weigh- God looks at the heart right?” And this is true. God does not look at our outward appearance. However- what kind of thoughts about myself was I keeping in my heart? I was not happy. I was choosing to deny the fact that I continuously spoke evil words into my heart every day- things like “You’re so fat….you’re not beautiful…you’re not worth it.” These things I’ve told myself over and over and they WERE in my heart. And I know that God wasn’t happy with those lies.

That day in November I made the decision to change my life. Instead of waking up that day and telling myself I could never truly love who I was, I instead decided to tell myself I WAS worth it. I began to look at myself in the mirror and say “You did awesome today, you are beautiful, and you deserve this.” And you know what? God is rejoicing because I am finally able to understand the way He really sees me- as a woman whose heart tells herself truth.

There is no doubt in my mind that when we choose to not take care of our bodies we are saying to God that His creation does not matter to us. When we allow those thoughts and insecurities into our mind, we start to speak lies to ourselves that oppose everything His word conveys- that we are made in His image, that we are wonderfully made, and that with His strength we CAN do all things.

I challenge you today to look into your own self and really reveal what you have speaking in your heart. Are they hurtful things? Are they helpful to you in this journey? Are they what God would say to you?

One last sidenote is something I really felt that God did for me last week. As I was attempting to run another 35 minutes (which I am struggling with at this point) a worship song came onto my Ipod. I was literally at the last 2 minutes of my run and the bridge of this song continued to play as I struggled. And I was really moved. The verse is simply:

“We won’t be satisfied with anything ordinary, We won’t be satisfied at all”

This simple verse got me through the rest of that run. I am choosing right now to continue to move forward in this journey. God continues to walk by my side each and every day as I tell myself that I will not settle for anything ordinary.