Confessions, A Sore Booty, A New Person

Well this weekend was a rocky one. I want to be able to be honest with you all, but I also don't want you to get bored of my confessions of overeating so I'm going to keep it simple. This weekend I was there with food about 50%. That is not ok in my books, but I DO know that I can and will press forward and each day is a new day to choose a healthy life.

As far as my bike trip to Alki on Saturday. I also really wish I could tell you all that it was fun and that I really enjoyed it. I REALLY wish I could tell you all this. But I feel the need to be honest with you all about it.

It was pretty miserable!

Let's just say taking my bike out for [essentially] the first time on such a long trip was NOT a good idea. I knew that my butt would hurt a little bit from riding, but I honestly had no idea how sore I would be from riding just for TEN minutes. The whole trip I really struggled to stay up with the guys. In the end, Kellen and I agreed that I need a new bike. I had gotten this one for free and it has a lot of things just wrong with it that made it really hard to ride.

Not to mention my butt. I had to come home and ice it afterward. It was so painful by the end of the trip I was literally in tears. I do know that butt pain is normal when you first start riding, but I am convinced that this seat was worse and made it more painful than usual! I was about to call off bike riding altogether until the end when I got to switch bikes with one of the guys- and I felt saved! The seat felt comfortable, the bike was EASY to ride, it just felt like a total 180 from mine.

To sum things up, I will not be venturing out on another ride until I can get a proper bike!!

I will show you a cute pic of me riding anyway just for kicks:
As far as Tiff's I AM WORTH MORE CHALLENGE--this comes with another confession :( I was feeling pretty crummy after all my cheats this weekend...and I kind of peeked at the scale this morning. I realize this TOTALLY defeats the purpose of not letting the # on the scale affect you...and I feel frustrated that I would give in to that temptation. (To be honest the number more made me feel like I didn't deserve it...I am down one pound.)

HOWEVER. I am really, really happy I did this challenge. After so many bumps in the road this weekend, it could have been so easy to say "you just can't do this." But when I thought of what I had written throughout the week on those post it's, it encouraged me to know that I CAN and HAVE made positive decisions that have helped take care of my body.

Therefore, although the challenge ended today, I am going to be spinning off of this challenge and writing small notes in my food journal of positive actions I have taken. That way, I can look back and see that I really have taken steps forward NO MATTER WHAT the scale says.

This week I am refocusing. My goal is simple: starting intensity. I want to have and feel that same intense feeling I felt when I first started this journey.

One last bit of joyfulness:

I went to church yesterday and it turns out I have a huge group willing to run with me at the St. Patty's Day Dash!

I also got TWO (count em, TWO) "I didn't even recognize you from across the room" comments.
Apparently I've changed in more ways that just my eyes can see!

Goggles & Cookies

How do I look?Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Pure hotness right?

Yes that's right I picked me up some swimming goggles this weekend and a new bathing suit. I tested out the swimming pool again today.

OH MAN. I can't last longer than 20 minutes there. And it's like 4 dollars a swim. Is it worth it? I'm struggling with this right now!! It's such a good workout but 4 dollars for 20 minutes just seems ridiculous!

I AM however super pumped as I am participating in Tiff's I Am Worth More Challenge!! Here's a sneak peek at one of my sticky notes:

That is a big accomplishment (in my eyes). Anything chocolate I just have such a hard time saying no to!!

Well it's a gorgeous day and I'm going to go take advantage of it by walking to work. Hope you guys make it a good one!

No One Else But Me!

I had a bit of a revelation yesterday. As I came home from the run and walked in the door, I was so desperately hoping that Kellen (Husband) would have a gigantic surprise party with tons of friends and family, heaps of congrat presents, and a yummy healthy breakfast waiting for me on the table. Of course I am exaggerating just a bit, but you get the point. I was hoping that the pride I had for myself for competing that race would be reflected in him.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not that he didn't say right away "Oh, I'm proud of you Nicole!" when I walked through the door. But...it just wasn't all I was hoping for...if you know what I mean. It was at this point that the last month and a half of hard work and constantly waiting for encouraging words hit me- it was never going to be enough. I finally realized that NO ONE can encourage me in the way I exactly am seeking it.

I am loving the encouragement of this blog and my fellow bloggers. And let's be honest, about 98% of the people in my life that ARE close enough to me to know the hard work I'm doing, have absolutely no idea how hard this is. According to me athletic husband, running 3+ miles is just a way of life...so what's the big deal? It's not like he's trying to downplay what I've done...it's just that he really does not understand.

So my revelation finally brought me to this: I HAVE to find the strength, the encouragement, and the pride in myself to continue this race. Only when I have made that realization will this be a life-long journey that does not rely on the encouragement from others, but instead the accomplishment in myself.