Have you ever had a moment where you looked back on a relationship in your past and realized how hurtful that person was to you? For some reason I believe we as humans have a hard time accepting and opening our eyes to see people in our life that don't have our best interest at heart. I myself have had plenty of unhealthy relationships where it took an outsider to say to me "Hey, they really aren't very loving to you, are they?"
I worked as a nanny before I was pregnant for a family who was like this. Yes, I was there employee and yes there are certain "boundaries" you must maintain as an employer. But these people (specifically the father) treated me like I was less of a human being than himself. It was hurtful at the time but not until after they "let me go" and I was able to reflect on that year of my life did I think to myself- why in the world did I allow someone to treat me like that? Luckily God lead me to a better family to work for out of the situation and I was reminded that there are good people to work for!
On my past get healthy journey I also ran into some so called "friends" who were not encouraging to me. Whether it be for their own insecure reasons (because I'm sure they were dealing with something to treat others this way), I still allowed those type of people a place in my life, my thoughts (which began to bring my down) but most importantly- my heart.
One specific relationship I had to let go of a little over a year ago. I have to tell you, letting go of a friendship in any sense is difficult, no matter the situation. Luckily, I had some amazing women in my life that helped me to recognize the toxicity of this relationship and helped me walk through the process of grieving. And yes, I do believe when we move on from friendships we go through a process of grieving. My heart ached wanting that friendship that I wished I had, even though my perception of our friendship was so far off from the hurtful reality.
The point is- I have a lot of love to give. And I'm learning to recognize that there are lots of other people in this world who need love and will return it to me in a kind, caring, and encouraging way. Friends that lift me up when I come away from time with them, instead of bringing me down. I don't deserve that- no one does.
How are you allowing others to treat you? Are there any toxic relationships in your life? You deserve so much more than that!
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3 comments:
I had to let go of a toxic relationship in the last year too, although she really was the one to let go of me and I am grateful for that. I could never do enough for her, never called her enough, never could live up to her expectations and the friendship got kind of badgering and I didn't deserve that. Women need to accept each other for where each other is at and not be so judgmental. Unforuntately, the longer I am a mama, the more I need to realize this.
What a timely post...I too have had to let go of a friendship recently - you're right about grieving and you're also right about perception not necessarily being reality. I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm better off without negative, needy people in my life. One thing I have made sure I don't do is to take things personally, because (in the words of don Miguel Ruiz) "What others say and do is a projection of their own dream" - i.e. their words and actions reflect their "world" and not the truth about me. This has helped me indefinitely! :)
I've had many toxic friends but luckily I got rid of them before they could bring me down. I had "friends" that said things about me behind my back, "friends" that were jealous of my love life and started treating me bad, "friends" that lied to me, "friends" that thought they were so much better they had point out what a monster I was. My parents taught me that everyone deserves a second chance, but a third or fourth...That's too much!Being a good person does not mean being a doormat! If a person is not making your life better, if that person is bringing you down, I say you let them go! Of course, a friendship is like any other relationship, you start remembering the good and forgetting the bad. You feel like like maybe it wasn't so bad and you wanna go back. Don't! Have a real friend there to remind you how bad that person treated you and how you deserve much better than that!
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