People ARE noticing!!

I have to admit that I have been WAITING for the day that I could write this post. Please do not take this as "bragging"-if anything I want this post to be an encouragement to you all that you CAN do this and that people WILL notice and it feels wonderful.

The comments began about two weeks ago. It started with people who already knew that I was working on losing weight....my mom, my grandma, my dad. I was super happy that they were noticing, but I also just thought to myself that they were trying to be "secretly" encouraging and that they really couldn't tell too much.

Then my husband started his comments this last weekend. He even said something along the lines of "WOW, it's amazing how much you can change in just two months!!" This made me uberly happy.

Then this weekend, I went to a service at church that I hadn't been to in a while! I saw my sister in law there and she said to me: "You look like you have lost a TON of weight!" (she's 15 so not the most careful with her words haha). Anyway, I didn't care, it made me really happy. I told Kellen what she said and he asked me what I said back, which was "Oh yeah, I've lost a bit." At this he said "Nicole, a bit?! You need to be proud and tell everyone you have lost almost 20 pounds!!"

:)

Then today. After trying on some more pants that were in the back of my drawer I found (3 more pairs that fit!) I met up with one of my best buds at starbucks. The first thing she said (even though she sees me like every other day) is "OK, you look visibly skinnier today. Like really!"

I don't know what it is, but it's almost like within the last week my body must have gone through some transformation as everyone seems to be noticing all of the sudden....I have to admit...it feels pretty darn good!

You can ALL do this!! I am so proud of all my blogger friends that are working hard. You are all such great inspirations!

Weigh In Week 11: Party at 7:17!

Ok, I'm about to admit to you all that I am a giant dork...and here's why:

When I was a little girl my favorite number was 17. This was mainly because my birthday is March 17th and also because it was my favorite channel on television, Nickolodeon, hello! (Told you I was a dork).

Ok, here is the dorkiest thing about it. I also really liked the time "7:17" because of this. Everytime I saw this time on the clock, it was like my own individual little "party time" and I would do a little 7:17 dance. I still to this day get a little happy when I see this time on the clock.

SO why am I admitting this geekiness to you all??!! Well I will tell you...I've been thinking about my Monday weigh in post for a couple of days now, and fully expected to see my FAVE numero as my weight loss today. But guess what?!?! I LOST 18 as of today!

Oh well, I was still doing my 7:17 dance this morning on the scale. And I'm so happy with myself, I think I might just celebrate on 8:18 this week too!

Life Eating

random: Can I just say that even more amusing than a funny movie (think Chris Farley) is watching my husband watch it?! He is literally cracking up right now. So funny!

This weekend has been pretty decent so far!

Kellen and I headed to Chinese food for dinner on friday night. This is the first time I had had this since starting to eat healthy. I ordered the broccoli and chicken and made sure to only eat until I was full. I felt I did well (other than a bit of a cheat on a not so healthy egg roll! I couldn't resist!)

Yesterday was just weird eating wise, as it always seems to be on saturday since there is just no way on knowing what we will be doing/eating. We ended up eating at home for breakfast, then having a late lunch/dinner at Central Market.

You may not have ever heard of Central Market because I think it's actually a one in only in my area (I think there may be one in Texas but it is not related). Anyway, this store is AMAZING! I love it! It's like a giant organic/health food store with a hot food bar, salad bar, coffee, homemade pizza, etc. They have tables set up inside so you can buy your food and eat there.

Needless to say, they had some KILLER Indian food in the hot bar yesterday and I couldn't resist. I have absolutely NO idea how much Indian food is in calories, so I REALLY tried to watch my portions. I am proud of myself because this is life eating...sometimes you just won't know the calorie count!

That night we headed to our friend's house to play Settler's of Catan and hang out. I picked up some Pop Chips to eat as a snack there. This is not an official review of the product...but I really didn't like them! They were kinda airy and almost rice cake tasting. I feel like there are better replacements for regular potato chips!

We checked out their wedding pictures at their house last night (they got married in July this last summer). I kind of cringed when I saw some of the pictures....they will definitely serve as great "before" pics when I feel that I am at that point to show you all. For now I will just show you one that I am semi-unhappy with:

This is taken with the grooms sister, another of my good friends:

I wanted to share something that made me really happy yesterday! I was at home with my workout gear on ready to go running...and my hubby said "WOW! You look skinny!" This may not seem like a big deal to anyone else, but Kellen is not always the best on noticing my efforts to transform my body and to finally have him say something felt pretty darn good!

A Big Pile of Motivation!

I've been waiting to do this post since I got back from visiting my mom in Seattle in December JUST so I could post this pretty picture! :) What is that, you say? Well, I am very happy to say that my mother "took pity on me" and my measly wardrobe and donated a bunch of pants that I could have. Luckily my mom is one of those "hip" ones and buys her pants at really super nice stores (like nordstrom's). HA! I usually won't spend more than 20 bucks on my jeans (hence the reason I only have like 2 pairs). Anyway, she donated all of these "gently used" jeans to my wardrobe! WOOHOO! The catch?!? THEY DON'T FIT! But that's ok! They are mostly size 12 and 14. I have made a vow with myself that I won't try again until I am 20 pounds down. This is pretty big motivation to get my booty in gear so I can show it off in these new cute jeans!

If you like laughing at dog's eating peanut butter...

You should check out my other blog!

http://rebelphotolove.blogspot.com/

I think it's kinda funny :0)

A Spiteful Attitude

Today I read a post by Tiff @ Project 365 that inspired me to start thinking of reasons why I have let myself "go"- in a sense.

I have always struggled with thoughts on wanting to lose weight. I can remember these from when I was a little girl. I remember countless nights in high school where I literally could not sleep because all I could think about was how fat I thought I was.

Out of love, my mother and grandmother have always tried to "encourage" me to lose weight. I know this was out of love because they themselves knew what it was to struggle with this. My mom got Thyroid disease when I was young, and never seemed to be able to get the weight off. Finally in 2007, she had the lap band surgery, and today she is 80 pounds less than when she went in.

I have also had friends who have tried to "encourage" me to lose weight. One friend in particular was similar in size to me, but because of what I see as emotional abuse and pressure from her own mother, finally lost probably close to 50 pounds. After this, our relationship changed. She even wrote a blog entry about how she had had a dream about me and that she "didn't even recognize me because I had lost so much weight and I looked so good."

Another person to mention in this story is my sister in law. At the same exact height as me, she weighs around 70 pounds less than I do. Weight, for some reason, is something that has come up in our conversations often. If any of you have talked to someone who has really NEVER struggled with their weight or knows nothing about it first hand, you may know how frustrating it is to talk with that person about this subject. They always act like "Oh, just do it! It's so easy"

All of these people were, in a sense, trying to help me with my struggle. But they didn't. In fact, I would say looking back on the conversations I've had with them, much them are just painful memories that made me slip into even more of a depression over something I felt like I couldn't handle.

Other times that I have attempted to start a weight loss program have all failed. I know now that in my head I almost wanted to "spite" these people for even thinking I needed to lose weight...so I went in the opposite direction. I made a conscious decision to overeat, almost as if to say "HA! there! I KNOW what's best for me, not you!" And because of this, I always fell off my weight loss bandwagon, ending up overeating, and feeling even crappier than before I started.

I'm not sure if this kind of thinking even makes sense to anyone else. I just wanted them to realize that no matter how many "encouraging" words they may tell me, it all just equated in my mind to "YOU'RE FAT, get off your lazy butt and do something about it!" Then, when I over ate, it was like me saying back "NO, i can do what I want! (insert tongue hear)"

I now realize this thinking is well...absolutely ridiculous. The only person I was really harming in the end was myself. But I also realize now that the decision to lose weight and change my life couldn't have come from anyone else but myself. I am pretty sure that if the entire world would have told me I was fat it wouldn't have motivated me to change. I don't know why that lightbulb clicked inside myself, but i am sure glad it did.

Umm excuse me life....can't you see I NEED TO EXCERCISE!

Life is really being a giant buttface lately. Or maybe I am just being a lazy one.

We'll go with the first option. Because of scheduling conflicts and a never ending downpour of rain, I haven't been running since Friday.

The scale is sticking.....the dog is anxious....and I'm going stir crazy. All these evil thoughts keep popping into my head like "OH you're not a real runner anyway, and this 5 day break is just the beginning of a downhill battle with exercise!"

Agh. I also keep feeling like if I go to long without it, I will "lose" the endurance I have already built. Can any runners weigh in on this one?? (i know it's only been 5 days but I'm freaking out here!)

My husband sometimes plays soccer with a guy we call the "WAWA" player (prounounced like a kid crying). He always fakes injuries and does these massive rolling falls on the ground so the referee's will call a foul on the other team.

I kind of feel like a WAWA player right now. I just want the ref to call a foul on life for me right about now.