Insecurities of a "Big" Girl

I'm currently reading The Amazing Adventures of DietGirl by Shauna Reid. Shauna is a weight loss blogger who lost a total of about 175lbs and wrote a book about this "adventure." If you haven't read this book, I would HIGHLY suggest you pick it up- it is SO hilarious.

There is one point at which Shauna describes that when she was a kid she never wanted to jump into the pool, to fearful to create a bigger splash than anyone else. The funny thing is, she was actually quite a normal sized kid- and let's face it- really no one would have probably had that thought.

But as I was reading that, I had an odd sense of relating to Shauna- I too had that pool jumping fear. I started thinking about all the other times I felt "insecure" about myself or thought that others must be thinking I was the fat girl- when really maybe those thoughts never crossed their minds. Some of mine included:

-Getting out of a pool/lake that you have to pull yourself out of with no ladder. Anyone ever experience this? You literally have to pull your body up and fling yourself out onto the dock/side of pool. In my mind I always looked like a large beached whale ungracefully emerging onto the side. This also goes for trying to get into boats when swimming at the ocean or a lake.

-How about the time I ate my little cousin's "It's a Girl" chocolate bar? You know those stupid hershey bar covers they make with the birthing announcement on it? I got mine and tore into that baby (no pun intended) right away. When my uncle found out I had already devoured the chocolate bar, he yelled at me. Well...it's chocolate...what did you expect me to do with it?

-The fact that my favorite part of going to the roller skating rink was the snack bar. I remember one time where my aunt (she used to take us) asked me why I always just sat and ate and rarely skated. Yeah, I felt pretty low that day.

-Hating when people tried to pick me up. It was like I thought that if they picked me up they might just realize how heavy I really was. Same goes for making pyramids with friends at school- I always insisted on being at the bottom with the boys.

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure there are so many more big girl insecurities in my life that I can't remember.

*The point of this post is not to make anyone feel bad about there size, but just to say that we all had these funny insecure thoughts inside our heads. I felt a sense of comfort in relating to Shauna's insecurity in knowing that I'm not the only one who ever thought that way.