Today as I tore through half a packet of ritz crackers while sitting on a blanket at the beach, I got to thinking. Why do allow myself to do these things still? Am I truly a recovered food addict or will my feast or famine ways still always reside in my brain- slowly crawling to the surface when I am presented with a situation where no one is looking?
My husband actually laughed at me the other day when I jokingly said "calories that no one sees go in don't count." He thought I was joking. Ok, well maybe I was. But let's be honest, how many times has that thought come into our food addicts thoughts? It's like this- the fact is, if the tree falls in the forest but no is there to hear it- it still makes noise! That half pack of ritz and couple scoops of ice cream out of the container may have not been witnessed by judging eyes, but you can be sure that they will be visible on your midriff in a week or two.
Ok, so I'm exaggerating a bit, but you get the point? Does an addict truly ever recover? I wrote a post on Monday stating that I was over the mountain of struggle, and I still feel that's true. I know that there is just no way I could ever go back to the days of eating with reckless abandonment, unaware that I was surely eating enough calories in a day for a small family.
Steps toward recovery always include knowledge and awareness. A drug addict or alcoholic become aware of how their absence and anger is affecting their family or friends. And just like that, when we become aware of our food addiction we realize that its not just affecting us there in that moment...its controlling every aspect of our lives.
And so that's what I really think is the key here on this journey: education and awareness. How easy is it for us to slip up by ordering what we think is the healthiness menu option, later to go home and discover that the grilled chicken salad contained our entire daily calorie allowance. So I encourage you- what are you doing today to educate yourself? Are you aware of what those small decisions are leading to? Do you continue to sit in neutral and continue to make choices by the same book day after day? I can assure you - you may be going forward for the time being- but you will eventually get bored.
That's really what I love about this journey, as well as the blogging community in general. We have given each other the ability to learn and grow just through reading each others thoughts and discoveries.
Psalm 3:13 Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for [it] is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.
How will you gain wisdom today?
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8 comments:
Very well said.
I think one thing I am striving to do (that I *think* is wise) is to really listen to my body. Not to my mind, but my body. They're always in conflict, and oftentimes my mind is much louder.
Anyway, awesome post. :)
ooooooo i love this post... especially the scripture at the end... lol, i once tried to say that the smaller bites you took, the less calories you were ingesting! hey, we both tried, right?? anyways, i'm trying to gain the wisdom to actually think about my behaviors... when i binge, i do it sooo mindlessly that it's like i black out... yesterday was my first victory in that! thanks for such a thought provoking post!
Did you also know calories eaten in the car or the movies dont count either?
But seriously I dont think I will ever stop thinking like an addict but I have to stop behaving like one. Thanks for this very interesting post x
Great post! Yesterday I had major muchies and said pms calories don't count ;)
really great post. as i'm sitting here struggling w/ my own food demons, i can totally relate.
have to go catch up on your other posts...just found your blog.
Hmm...well considering my eating behavior while entertaining my in-laws was sub-par, I would say that you are never recovered. You certainly are never cured. You are always addicted, but that is the best motivator for always being vigilant. I guess it is a bit like cancer. I would say that your addiction can be treated and be in remission, but it will always be there.
I'm quite okay with that.
I came across this quotation a few weeks ago: "Once you are an addict you will never not be an addict. You'll be an addict until the day you die. I think about it every single day. People who say they don't think about drugs any more are dirty liars who are probably still using." - Kelly Osbourne
I thought of my weight-loss journey and my eating habits. And when I reach my goal weight, I'd like to think that I won't ever binge again or eat my emotions, but that isn't the case. I imagine that I will have to wrestle with food for the rest of my life. And that's okay--what matters is that I'm committed to my health.
You sooo make sense to me! Food addiction...i just got busted yesterday for having dark chocolate in my lunch bag, i mean like a bag of the Lindt dark chocolate, and most of the yummies were gone. He said that isn't the best thing to eat and how am i going to reach my goals if i eat food like that. i told him that it is better than what i use to eat but he is right i won't die without it even though i feel like it about 2 or 3 in the afternoon...ughh. i felt like i was 10 and being caught in the cookie jar. i need to get over my food addiction...got any good reads on that? any good websites?? tools and tips? :)
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