This is going to be a bit of an angry post. Just a warning.
I shouldn't have to tell you why the next things I'm going to write are the WRONG things to say to someone. I shouldn't, but I'm going to, because apparently there are people in this world that don't use much common sense or any kind of social decency in public.
1. Do NOT, in any circumstance, ask me if I think I am "too young" or "ready" to have a baby.
First of all, I AM PREGNANT. There is a baby ALREADY in this equation. What in the world do you think you are going to accomplish in asking me this question when the decision has already been made? I'll tell you what you will accomplish: only fear and nervousness for me. Thank you.
I do understand a conversation about someone thinking about getting pregnant and maybe suggesting they wait for whatever reasons. But honestly, it's just a moot and negative point to ask this kind of question when there is no real decision left.
2. Do NOT, if you are a stranger on the street, ask me whether or not my pregnancy was planned!!
What the heck? Ok, let's make this clear, if you are friend of mine or possibly asking me through, let's say, a formspring box, this question is not completley inappropriate. But for a complete stranger to ask me this? If you don't even know my name, why in the world should you know the "terms" on which I conceived my child?!
I realize I may look young. I realize that maybe you think there is a "story" to hear. But it's none of your gosh DARN business.
3. Do not, if you find out I am ENGAGED, MARRIED or PREGNANT, tell me I am "young" when you don't know me.
Oh my gosh?!?! Really? I didn't realize. I wasn't aware of my own birthday or the fact that I have had several family members and friends express there concern. I'm not really sure how to think logically on my own, so I'm super glad you pointed out to me that I'm not an "appropriate" age to be thinking about such things. sarcasm
5. Do NOT tell me how horrible and painful your birth experience was and how you would NEVER EVER do it again.
Along with that, please, please, please, if I don't ask, DON'T SHARE (bloody, gruesome, disgusting) DETAILS.
6. Do not try to tell me something I am doing or taking to help with my pregnancy is "unnecessary."
Honestly, you are NOT my doctor and you do not know how I've derived at the decision that this is necessary in my life, so please, spare me.
The following has not yet happened to me, but I feel must be warned against:
7. Do not ask if someone is "having twins" because "they look really big!"
Really? Do I really have to explain this one? Wow.
Anyone else have some common (NO) sense remarks that have just astounded you? I have a feeling there may be a round two of these in a couple of months from now.
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14 comments:
With the first scenario you should just start looking all scared and say your right I shouldn't be having a baby-what can I do? People are really dumb and probably push the q-tip in way further than they should~
People are so dumb. It's like they lose their brains around a pregnant person. They try to touch your stomach, and near the end may even ask if you are dilated or effaced. Really, people? That's my hooha you're talking about!!!
Just ignore the dumb ones and enjoy every single second of this pregnancy.
There are many naysayers, or people who say, "Just wait until..." and they can just keep their opinions to themselves!
Ha ha, sorry about shouting from my soap box. I've had 3 kiddos and it gets so tiring hearing other people's IRRELEVANT opinions.
Feel free to vent away here; we get it. ;-)
Oh, you know I'm right there with you! I STILL get dirty looks from women in the grocery store who see me and Corey in the checkout line, see the rings on our fingers, and start shaking their heads at me. While I'm starting back giving them the death glare. I can only imagine how much worse it will be when I'm pushing a baby around too!It doesn't help that Corey looks 25...and I, on the other hand, look 16. Most people don't even think I'm old enough to drive!
Guess what...it's none of their gosh darn business! So there.
It's like when people ask you how your honeymoon was and what you did...or if you're "trying" for kids. I'd love to respond with "YES! We're having LOTS of hot unprotected sex right now!" Lol! You should respond with something snooty or sarcastic like that to put them in their place. I bet they'd die! :D
Haha! I just have to remember not to let what the rest of the world thinks about me get me down...I'm my own person with my own life, and I do what's best for ME and what I believe God has in His plan for me! And as long as God is on my side, I don't really care what anyone else says/thinks (although those rude stares and comments can still bug me!). Hang in there...when we're 40, we'll be glad we look so young ;)
Hang in there Nicole! That is SO annoying.
I still remember when you walked out of your wedding to the Beach Boys "Wouldn't it be Nice" song :)
Creative answers usually do the trick. So here ya go...
1. No! Not even close to ready. I should have waited until I was fifty. I cry myself to sleep every night. Oh my gosh! I might shake the baby when it comes out because I am too young to know better!
2. ABSOLUTELY! We really planned. I peed on one of those ovulation sticks and when it said I was ready I was ready because I had planned that much! I planned how we would have sex and at what time during the day and for how long we would have sex. Oh man did I plan this! In fact I thought about it for five years before I felt that I had planned enough.
Or you could go with... Plan? What do you mean plan? I don't even know how this thing go IN there!
3. Yeah. I am pretty young. Perhaps you could keep the baby for me for a few years while I grow up.
4. Oh wait. You don't have a number four. :)
5. I hated this about being pregnant and just so you know... I had two pretty easy birth experiences. Anyways my response was always (with plastered on fake smile) "Well I'm glad that YOUR story doesn't have to be MY story." People got the idea and stopped sharing.
6. Wow! I didn't know you were a doctor! Cool.
7. Should it happen you should just smile and say "Actually I'm quite small. There are FIVE in there!"
Well hopefully I was at least able to make you laugh a bit. Try some of those out. :) When I was pregnant I was out at the mall and this old man says "any day now huh?" I had an entire month to go! Wanted to beat the old man.
And once when I was largely pregnant Mike's grandma saw me and said "Hi fatty!" OH. MY. GOSH. I had never wanted to beat an old woman more than in that moment.
And that is my blog on your blog hahaha.
Sadly, I have heard all of those too. We must run with the same crowd!! I am 26 and I have two kiddos. I know all about the "too young" questions. Plus, my first one wasn't planned, so they all asume that my second one wasn't...and it was!! Just keep your eyes on the prize, that special baby!!
I'm surprised it has taken this long for you to meet people like this. As you have found, there really are some people on this planet that should be ignored. Permanently. If it's not about pregnancy or marriage, they'll say stupid stuff about something else. They can't help it, they're defective :p
I've met my share and I've learned to "tune out". Just smile and keep your vibe positive :)
HAHA - i scrolled right down to Laura's comments to see what she said & she did not disappoint! I hope you try some of these! I surely will!
I am sorry you have had to deal with that, though. Crazy stupid people!
I hate those comments. When i was single, with NO prospects, & was nearing 30, people would say, "So, when are YOU getting married!?" Well, gee!!!! I mean, do you think I know?!?!? LOL!
And when i used to be a nanny, i was about 23 but i looked 16 & i would get (a) parenting advice "you need to get her to stop sucking her thumb" or (b) judgemental looks b/c i'm a teen w/ a 3 year old! ARGH!
People are nuts!
OMG! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I'm sorry I haven't visited your blog in awhile (although I have thought about you & how you're doing-fer reals!! AND it's been good thoughts!!)
Again-CONGRATS!!!! I'm so happy for you (and a bit jealous I might add). I have a 24 yr old, a soon-to-be 16 yr old and an energic as can be 5yr old...I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat!!! Labor and All!! Yes Everything.
You are blessed!!
Again-A HUGE CONGRATS!
I hated it when strangers touched me. lol
Wow- yep people can be pretty ignorant. Don't let it lessen your glow! Can't wait to see some sonagram pics!
If someone is trying to tell you their birth horror story just tell then you don't want to hear about it and you'll form your own opinion when it's your turn. You'll love being a mom and you'll be a great mom. I think being a mom when you're still young is such a blessing! You've got more energy and you'll be able to enjoy your children when they are older because you won't be to old to be active with them.
People always assume we are "done" when they see I've got 3 girls 3 and under. They always look shocked when I tell them no. You're right, it's not their business anyway! The nurse at Ellie's pediatrician acted like we were crazy for having 3 girls and not being done. I think I'll have 3 more girls just to annoy her.
I feel your pain on this one too! I have actually also written a post on it not too long ago. For some reason pregnancy gives people the feeling that they can just say whatever they want, I'm sure of it. "YOU ARE HUGEEEE!" is one of my favorites! Annoying for sure!
Eek. Yah, people think your belly is their business. When I was expecting baby #5 (we lost 2 so I only had 2 other kiddos w/ me) a stranger stopped me and asked me WHY I was having another child since I "already had a boy & a girl"! (Of course, WHY would I want another child when I had one of each "kind" already!). Grrrr. Then people would say that I had my hands full - and I learned to say "my heart is full too". That shut them up. You'd think I had 10 kids or something!
D
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